Don't EVER smell your tampon
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
