i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
