Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
