apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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