I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she smelled like a LAN party
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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