im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
