never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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