i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
