Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
