I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
