I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
