Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
