when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
