He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
