Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She announced her abortion via fbk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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