Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
