I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
