i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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