Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
