Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
