just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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