Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
