Buhtt sex?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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