don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
