I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
