Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
