I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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