I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
