I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
