How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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