I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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