did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
