nut hugger
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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