note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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