The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
