We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
