Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
