i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
