were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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