dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
