everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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