and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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