I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
