just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
