We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
