I think my fart just growled at me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
