My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
