I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
