i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
