is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
