I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
