that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
