So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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