So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
